Spring

The Coral Pink Sand Dunes are about 12 miles away from the ranch. I took Ash, Andrew, Cole(cousin) and the dogs out there and was reminded how beautiful it is. I was actually happy to see the red dirt in my washer, it took me back to a really good time. There is still residual of this adventure in my van and I am not sure if I want to clean it out quite yet. Yes, a van full of beautiful red dirt that could never be duplicated by photoshop can and is nostalgic to me. Call me weird,(not to my face) but I even think the stuff smells good.

Who says?

There are many spoken and unspoken rules put out in the universe by well meaning but misguided people that seem to be extremely ludicrous and go against the very nature of how human beings are made. I am about to debunk one of these strange rules that has never made sense to me. And that is...who says girls aren't supposed to get dirty? We were at the ranch two weekends ago and without any prompting, this is what transpired. With no plans as to what we were going to do this is what all the girls were spontaneously and naturally drawn to.


Could you imagine what joy these (my nieces) girls would be missing out on if someone had told them to get out of the dirt because girls don't get dirty. They know nothing else but feeling the cool sand between their fingers and toes. Digging in the earth for treasures untold. Building, working on something so individually spectacular. I hope no one will ever tell them that girls shouldn't play in the dirt, but if someone ever does? I hope all of these girls remember this great dirt filled day and know that it isn't true.

Sibling Rivalry

At work today the family of our program director came in to say goodbye. They had been visiting her during spring break and were going back home. One of her cutest grandchildren who is about ten and has a older brother who is 16, asked what the office was for and what we did exactly. My co-worker responded that we provide housing for Women and Children when they don't have any other place to go because someone at their house is beating them up. He looked around at all the toys in the waiting room in amazement and really seemed to be pondering what this meant. After much internal dialogue that I saw spinning around in his head he excitedly said, "Do you have a place for kids who get beat up by their big brothers?, because I could use a place like that!" For the record this boy had no visible bruises and the family seemed very capable of protecting their child from really getting beat up. Also, having two boys that are continually getting physical in a "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt" kind of way. So this made me laugh so hard. This ten year old deciphered the message told to him of what we do, by using his own background knowledge of his brother beating him up and deciding maybe he could be in need of our housing services. I loved it! I can see it now. We could rewrite our mission statement to include not only women and children coming out of domestic violence into our long term housing; but also children who have older siblings that cause normal sibling anguish in their lives. I think we would be inundated by applications from all over the world of children who want to get the hell out their house because their siblings drive them crazy. Having six siblings I would have been one of the applicants applying for my own private, quiet home with no annoying brothers and sisters ruining my stuff, blaming me for random things and most of all beating me up. I can only say to this little boy seeking refuge from a bigger brother, that hopefully in twenty years he will have an awesome relationship with his brother and wish that he could spend more time with him. I know that is how I feel about all three of my brothers.

Laundry Detergent

1 bar of soap preferably ivory or zote (I found zote at a Hispanic store it is a bar of soap made for cleaning clothes.)
1/2C washing soda (I found this at my local grocery store) If you can't find it you can replace it with the cheap version of oxyclean.
1/2C Borax

Cut the bar of soap into smaller pieces then put it in your food processor and mix it until fine. If you don't have a food processor you can grate it with a grater. Add washing soda and borax. Mix completely. It will have a laundry soap consistency when you are all done. Store in a airtight container. Use one to two tablespoons per load depending on how big and how dirty the load is, I use two. It works great. This is really fun to make with the kids. Make sure you wear some kind of mask when making, it is pretty potent.
Last week we made liquid hand soap, it was like a really cool science project and after some tweaking, it turned out really good and it smells yummy. And best of all it is 30 cents for two gallons.

Now What!

Look what happened about a month ago. I thought that if I didn't mention IT or blog about IT, IT wouldn't really be happening.


Yes, that is Ashalee in the drivers seat, and yes she is actually driving.
We went down the the DMV to get her learners permit about a month ago and I honestly must say it was the first test she has taken that I prayed she would fail. But, she came through and passed with flying colors. What I want to know is how did she go from this...


To this....



Then like one of those magic sponge things that grow when you add water, to this....


This is one of Ashy's typical 15 year old "take your own picture to put on my space" but it's what we agreed on and sadly she said no to any embarrassing bathtub pictures(when she was young of course). So what happened? I love every stage of her life but I can't figure out what stage I missed to get to this point so quickly. Did I miss something? I don't think I did, but it doesn't feel like it's been fifteen years! Ash is really happy about this new turn of events and I am genuinely happy for her. I am just sad for me. Selfish as it may be five turns into ten, ten turns into twelve, twelve turns into fifteen, fifteen turns into adult...and the very unforgiving clock continues forward, never leaving time for us to breathe. I've done the math a hundred times their is no equation to stop or turn back time. It just keeps marching forward like a out of control, speeding mack truck with no brakes to give us rest. Maybe it's a almost mid life crisis, but as I am sitting here thinking of how much I miss the three month, one year, five year, twelve year, fourteen year old Ashalee, I am so thrilled to be able to hang out with the fifteen year old Ash. And coming sooner than later the twenty year, thirty and forty year old Ashalee. I have the kindest, bravest, and the most beautifully bold daughter, and any way she allows me to share her life no matter the age, I will consider it a privilege. And while I am at it, how did these cute children.....


So quickly morph into these most awesome kids in the world?

Interesting, but not surprising

This just in...Study: Utah ranks No. 1 for online porn subscriptions
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=5744801
Utah is number one in many things some good, some bad. Prescription drugs for anxiety and depression are being handed out like candy, we are number one in that to. If it weren't so sad I would think it was funny. Maybe we could charge a huge state tax for those who subscribe to porn in the name of their sanctified marriage. This tax could go directly to students and teachers because Utah isn't number one in education. They are the lowest in per pupil funding...food for thought. I really do love Utah it is one of the most beautiful states in the country. I wonder if hiding these issues under a blanket of pretense and holier than thou attitude is really helpful. I guess when it really comes down to it the truth really does set you free. Some may not realize that yet.

Face the Music

So I signed up for facebook last week. It's quite a trip and leaves me feeling like I am in high school again. So I guess how it works is you send out friend requests to people you know and they can either accept you or reject you as a friend...sound familiar anyone? Talk about returning back to the primitive, lower, miserable social hierarchy.... *********H I G H S C H O O L***********
So my normally secure self has become a somewhat insecure, neurotic person who talks to herself. OUT LOUD! Me checking my e-mail..You will need a code to read this. RMe= reasonable me and SRME= socially retarded me

RMe: So I sent whatshername a friend request four days ago and she hasn't responded...I wonder what's up?

SRME: I will tell you what's up, she hates your guts and thinks you are a ignorant stupid person now and in high school.

RMe: I don't remember her hating me in high school she is probably busy and just hasn't checked her mail in a while.

SRME: Whatever this is facebook EVERYONE checks their facebook..anyone cool anyway. Face the facebook music. SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU!

RMe: This is extremely ridiculous. If she doesn't want to add me as "her friend" then I most likely wouldn't want her to be "my friend".

SRME: My point exactly..she doesn't want to be your friend..didn't you break her nose in softball? Or was she the girl that you colored in her teeth in your year book?

RMe: I have never done that! Well I did break someones nose..on accident.

SRME: Maybe she didn't add you as a friend because you are clumsy and when it comes down to it, just not cool enough.

RMe: waving my white flag You are probably right..shut up please.

Pathetic and sad I know. Can you believe a insignificant online social network website could make me feel so crazy? Apparently, I need to re look at my high school years to see where all of this insane insecurity is coming from. Which means I need to work a second job to pay for more therapy...
SRME: What if the new therapist is your high school homecoming queen?
RMe: Never mind, I will just take up drinking.